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Hate

I hate myself.

I hate my life.

I hate everything.

I hate the fact that I can't be Mormon.

I hate that I'm stuck with my boyfriend; too afraid to leave him, but hating every minute of staying. It just got comfortable.

I hate that I am so unmotivated.

I hate that I can spend hours on the internet.

I hate that my car is broken down.

I hate that nobody cares about me and that they have no reason to.

I hate myself for hating my mom.

I hate that I smoke.

I hate that I get freaked out when I smoke.

I hate that I have really bad writer's block.

I hate that I don't like the last place I published my story.

I hate that nobody reads this journal.

I hate that I don't care.

I hate that I eat.

I hate that I puke.

I hate that I worry.

I wish I could starve. Anorexia, where are you? I miss you.

 

To get back on track with this shit, I'm going to go buy a fucking accurate scale. Any suggestions? I could also REALLY use some ana diet suggestions. Our power is out; we are living off of a cord running from our neighbors that allows us to hook up the computer and a lamp. This means the stove and the fridge don't work. This could make not eating easier. Maybe I will do nothing but celery and salsa or something like that? Suggestions, please. Boyfriend is off today, and we'll probably eat shit. I can start Sunday.